| | I haven't posted in a while, and I feel like a good majority of people who used to read this don't anymore but for those of you who do, you're going to be subjected to the token update:
I'm living in Elgin, IL with my parents currently. If you would have asked me two years ago if I would ever move back in with my parents, I probably would have hit you. As it turns out I really appreciate how dysfunctional my family is, and I'm learning a lot about why they are the way they are and understanding how I can best relate to them. It's not there yet, but I feel like my time here is well spent. In addition my brother and sister are growing up way too fast and I'm realizing that I missed out on a lot of opportunities to hang out and watch them start to change from being little people to real people.
Being home has also opened my eyes to all the reasons that I don't want to be here. Here, as in American society here. I'm not saying this just to jump on what seems to be the increasingly popular "America sucks" bandwagon, or the even the "Bush Sucks" bandwagon. There are so many things I love about living in this country. The hospitality, the food, the generosity, the smiles, lots of great music and having everyone speaking a language I completely understand. Being home has made me appreciate the things about this country I couldn't before. I was on a road trip along the east coast last month and even came to appreciate certain achievements in our nations history.
No, I don't have pipe dreams of finding out who I really am or my calling in life while traveling to new and exotic places. (Although, I wouldn't mind traveling to new and exotic places.) Instead, I have been faced with a dilemma since I have been back, starting a new chapter in my life, looking for a job and thinking a bit more about the future (and some honest reflection about the past.) The fact of the matter is that barring the existence of some fantastic gift or skill undiscovered in myself I'm presented with two options for my life by staying in the New World.
The first option:
I can think about the future, about family, about a career. This would require me to essentially throw away the pure enjoyment of whatever is left of my not yet clearly defined "youth". I would need to enroll in classes somewhere, if it would be at Community College again, I would need to live at home for an extra year. When I wasn't studying I would have to be working, for the simple fact that my parents have no money. If I did want to make my family a priority I would have no time to see anyone else, or do any of the things that I enjoy doing. I would at that point transfer to a university where I'd most likely have to commute to try to cut down the debt I would already be taking on anyways as most of the money I could have saved will have gone to keeping my car running, to paying off the community college, or to an iPhone. When it's all said and done and I've killed 3 years of my life to get the damn piece of paper I will hopefully be lucky enough to find a job that starts off around $45,000 with plenty of room for promotions and salary increases. This way I could make enough to support the family that I never see and spend those 2 bittersweet weeks with them each and every year. In this case my wife could raise my children essentially by herself in complete isolation on the island known as the modern suburban home. She can focus all her God given gifts, energies and skills into creating the perfect children, with the perfect personalities in classic Spockian fashion. Meanwhile, my feelings of disconnection and worthlessness can be directed into suppressing my being and pursuing a meaningless career. Well, there's more to be said on this scenario. But I think you've got the picture.
Now, a lot of people will say, "hey man, you don't have to live that way. You can choose to be different, you have other options." Of course I wish I was autonomous and that my ideals will remain completely intact by the time I'm 35, but the fact is that it's not a coincidence our hippy parents turned out exactly like theirs before them despite the insistency that their sub-culture was destined to overturn the status quo. Instead, they made their mark (and a powerful one) but were consequently absorbed into traditional american values and culture. I'm not taking that risk. I mean, I only have one shot at this thing and then it's over.
The second option:
I can actually enjoy my life now, and end up being that manager you worked for in high school. You know, the 35 year old in retail or the one at the restaurant, who took out his/her frustration about the fact that he/she never went to college and was now working a dead end job and barely supporting his/her family out on you.
Let's not forget about the cost of healthcare, lack of employment security in an unstable economy, and a comprehensive, developed welfare state to even keep myself alive should I lose my job working in America's static labour market which finds itself increasingly unable to keep any level of vibrancy in such a dynamic global economy. Chances are, the job I get out of college will probably be obsolete ten years after I graduate.
No, I don't want to be here. I prefer the 37-40 hour work week as opposed to the 57-60 hour one. That's twenty hours a week I could invest in my family, my world, my community, my music, and playing with my iPhone. I'll take guaranteed employment and mobility over job security. I'll take tons of days off for parental leave when my child is born. I won't work my entire life for my kids college fund, my retirement, or my pension. I'll live in the present. I'll take six weeks of vacation to remind myself that my value is not in what I can produce, that I'm contributing to something more than the GDP.
How do I make this happen? I go back to the Old World and fight like hell to find a path to citizenship, maybe pay a woman desperate for money to marry me. Please don't comment unless you find yourself in that category.
- Steven |
| | Posted 9/19/2007 12:41 AM - 43 Views - 12 eProps - 6 comments
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